31.7.05

 

Johnny Dang reportedly taken prisoner in Iraq

Cultural Combatant/guitarist(?) Johnny Dang reportedly has been taken prisoner by members of Al-Qaeda in Iraq.

A website that is supposedly sympathetic to Al-Qaeda claims that JD has been taken prisoner and is being subjected to round the clock musical torture while buried to his neck in the sand.

One of the most notable tortures, as an apparent retribution, is JD being "serenaded" by rebab player Muti bin Kelbeh--arguably the worst and most obnoxious rebab player in the Middle East.

The bowed instrument is placed very close to his ear and played for hours on end.
Another technique being used is subjecting Dang to monotonous music theory lessons in order to quell his freethinking musical style.

His captors seemed to be a bit frustated with the lack of effectiveness the rebab playing has on Dang. "He seems to be really liking this. He just closes his eyes and smiles", says one of the guards.

The theory lessons, however, are taking quite a toll on Johnny. "He cries and begs for his mommy the whole time like a little baby", reports the same guard.

His captors are apparently grilling Dang as to the secret of his "Lethal Weapon" guitar lick and are hoping to form a unit of rebab players to counter the United States' highly effective "Dang Gang".

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