7.7.05
More claims of torture in Iraq
Amnesty International claims that the techniques of the United States' Cultural Combatant Johnny Dang are tortuous and unjustified.
"No one should ever be subjected to this kind of monotony, volume and incompetence", yelled an AI spokesperson at a Dang demonstration. "This is among the worst kind of torture I've ever witnessed. It has got to stop."
A Bush administration official countered that while he agreed Dang's playing was painful, one's hearing usually returns within a week with only minimal damage to the eardrums. He also stated that insurgents were voluntarily surrendering by the dozens and the US plans on forming a unit of untrained guitarists (unofficially dubbed "The Dang Gang") to utilize in future missions.
In a related story, PETA has complained that Dang's guitar playing is seriously disturbing (and killing) the local livestock and wildlife.
"No one should ever be subjected to this kind of monotony, volume and incompetence", yelled an AI spokesperson at a Dang demonstration. "This is among the worst kind of torture I've ever witnessed. It has got to stop."
A Bush administration official countered that while he agreed Dang's playing was painful, one's hearing usually returns within a week with only minimal damage to the eardrums. He also stated that insurgents were voluntarily surrendering by the dozens and the US plans on forming a unit of untrained guitarists (unofficially dubbed "The Dang Gang") to utilize in future missions.
In a related story, PETA has complained that Dang's guitar playing is seriously disturbing (and killing) the local livestock and wildlife.
JD shows effectiveness of his guitar technique by taking prisoners.
JD demonstrates his "lethal weapon" guitar lick for officials in Iraq.
Bush unleashes secret weapon in Iraq!
President Bush has appointed guitarist Johnny Dang to the newly created position of Cultural Combatant.
"His blistering tone is profoundly annoying. Any insurgent within 5 miles will likely succumb to his monotonous, one note guitar solos. Johnny is a welcome participant in the fight against terrorism. (Plus, it'll get him out of our hair for a while!)."
"His blistering tone is profoundly annoying. Any insurgent within 5 miles will likely succumb to his monotonous, one note guitar solos. Johnny is a welcome participant in the fight against terrorism. (Plus, it'll get him out of our hair for a while!)."
